Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
