It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
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It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
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My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize