It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
