you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
pray to the hookup gods
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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