i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
