so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
