As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
