I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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