i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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