I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
