When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
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