i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
