So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Randomize
