she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
