you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Randomize
