I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
