I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
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Are my feet made of real feet?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize