you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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