Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Who died my cat blue again?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
