Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
