I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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