when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Congratulations! We have a period
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
