genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Reggie can tackle my bush.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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