Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
