I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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