no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
