I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
