My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
It's blow job season.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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