Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
