Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
