Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I feel like a drive thru vagina
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