My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
