does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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