The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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