Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
