Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
God, I missed his penis.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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