My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
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He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
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YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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