You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
