thus making me awesome and them whores
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
