Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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