That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Just invented taco cereal.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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