If i come over, it means nothing
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
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Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
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I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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