I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize