Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
