Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
