Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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