Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
