I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I skipped work to stalk him.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
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I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
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I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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