Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
