Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
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Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
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You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.