And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
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In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
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That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.