I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
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