She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS