At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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