fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
