They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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