Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
