I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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