Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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