Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
