Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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